When you spend your formative years being subtly and not-so-subtly told that your instincts are suspect, your confidence is presumptuous and your ambition requires justification you internalise that.

That's not a syndrome. That's a sane response to an environment that has been sending you consistent signals.

And here’s the reason it’s not your problem.

Goal 5 was a promise. A specific, documented, internationally endorsed promise, made by governments who knew the data, understood the gap, and signed their names anyway.

The fact that we are five years from the deadline with not a single indicator fully achieved is not a surprise. It is a choice. Made repeatedly, year after year.

That should make you angry, here’s why.

It's not about confidence. It's about identity.

Confidence doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's attached to a sense of self, to knowing who you are, what you're for, what you're capable of. And for a lot of women, that sense of self has been quietly outsourced over the years.

And there are three things that make it worse.

I've lost count of the number of women who've said to me, "But isn't that selfish?" when they consider doing something for themselves. As if wanting a life that fits you is a character flaw rather than a basic requirement.

It's not selfish. It's overdue.

Here’s how I realised that.

I'm going to say something I wish someone had said to me before I got married. Think very carefully before you change your name.

Not because marriage is doomed. Not because love isn't real. But because if you ever need to change it back. Just under half of marriages end in divorce, so statistically this is worth considering. The system will make you pay for it in ways that will genuinely test your sanity. Here’s how I know…

Consider this: you're ready for something more. A bigger role, a different direction, a life that actually fits who you've become. You're not asking for permission, you're just thinking out loud, testing the idea.

And your inner circle says…

There are moments when you could have gone a different way. A different job. A different conversation. A different version of your life. Most of us file those moments under regret and move on.

Knowing you want something different isn't the same as being ready to do something about it. And that gap between wanting change and actually creating it is exactly where life coaching either works or doesn't. Here’s what gets in the way.