Personal Discovery: How to Stop Asking for Permission and Lead Your Life

“If the shoe was on the other foot.”

That was the sentence that changed everything for me.

Those were the words I yelled at my then-husband after telling him about a job offer—120 miles away from the village we lived in. We’d bought in that lovely little English village a few years earlier, and our path seemed set, our future quietly predetermined. But deep down, I knew I was never meant to stay. The idea of a mapped-out life didn’t sit right with me. I craved something else—my own path, unknown but mine to design.

My career hadn’t evolved as quickly as his, and I often felt unsure about how to pursue my deeper purpose. But something told me it was more likely to reveal itself in a new environment, surrounded by new faces and possibilities.

That moment was the first time I truly understood agency—my ability to choose what was right for me, even when it was hard. It was the moment I began to lead myself—with courage, clarity, and conviction.

Portishead, Bristol. The transition (though I didn't know it at the time) between a sleepy village and Australia.

Becoming a Leader in Your Life Begins with Choice

Becoming a leader in your own life is simpler than you think. It doesn’t start with a grand plan or a perfect roadmap. It starts with a decision.

And while making a decision sounds simple—just a yes or no in the moment—the real challenge lies in what happens next. Because every decision comes with consequences. Not just for you, but for the people around you. And as women, we’re often conditioned to prioritise everyone else’s needs before our own, to defer, or to ask for approval.

What if you stopped waiting for permission?

I can’t count how many times a client has said to me, “But isn’t that selfish?” when they consider choosing something for themselves. The truth is—no, it’s not selfish. It’s necessary. This isn’t about turning your back on others. It’s about finally turning towards yourself.

Only you can choose to live the life that feels aligned, energising, and true. And yes, it may feel uncomfortable. That’s the point. Growth always is.

Ask yourself honestly: Is this where you thought you’d be by now?

Are you living your life on autopilot—habits, routines, and quiet compromises that allow you to avoid making real choices? Are you stuck in relationships—romantic, social, or professional—that mute your voice or clip your ambition? Are you in a role that feels safe, but soul-crushing, because deep down you don’t believe you deserve more?

Leadership begins with one choice: to back yourself. Not just once, but again and again. To choose what’s right for you, even when it feels hard. That’s how you step into your power—and become the leader your life’s been waiting for.

Becoming a leader in your own life. It’s simpler than you think.

The Power of Three: How to Lead Your Own Life

1. Take Control

You can’t control others, but you can control how you respond. Ask yourself: are you making choices that reflect your values… or your fears?

Taking control isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about choosing to respond with intention instead of reaction. It’s knowing that even if you can’t change a situation, you can choose how to move through it—with clarity, courage, and self-respect.

2. DECIDE WITH INTENTION

Two simple words—yes and no—can shape the direction of your entire life.

Saying yes can be expansive. Yes to new opportunities, new people, new challenges. Yes to the unknown. One small yes—like attending that event or volunteering for that project—can shift your trajectory in ways you never imagined.

Saying no is equally powerful. No to old habits, draining routines, and obligations that no longer serve you. No to things that leave you resentful, depleted, or disconnected. Saying no isn’t selfish—it’s self-leadership.

Every time you choose what aligns with you, you’re building confidence, clarity, and control. That’s what it means to lead your life.

No one else gets to live your life. Stop outsourcing your decisions. Stop living small.

3. AUDIT YOUR INNER CIRCLE

Who you surround yourself with influences how you see yourself—and what you believe is possible.

Take a good look at your closest relationships. Are they lifting you up or holding you back? Do they celebrate your growth, or subtly resist it? Are you shrinking to stay comfortable, or standing tall in your truth?

You’re allowed to evolve. And not everyone will come with you.

Choose connection that energises you. Set boundaries where you need them. And above all, spend time with people who reflect your values—not your fears.

Because your environment is your mirror. Let it show you who you’re becoming.

Are You Where You Want to Be? Or Just Where You Ended Up?

If you’ve ever felt like your life is on autopilot, it’s time to pause. Personal discovery is about breaking free from the expected and choosing the path that feels true for you.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to live boldly. You just need to begin.

Personal discovery starts when you recognise your agency—and use it unapologetically.