Identity and Self Discovery: Why Women Lose Confidence as We Get Older
As we grow older, many women notice a quiet shift—confidence that once came easily can start to fade. It’s a topic that hits especially close to home today, as I reflect on another birthday and ask: why do women lose confidence as we age?
At the heart of this journey is identity and self discovery—because confidence isn’t just about what we do, it’s about who we believe we are. For women, especially, identity is often shaped by expectations: careers, caregiving, relationships, and societal roles. As those roles evolve or disappear, our sense of self can feel uncertain. Rediscovering who you are becomes not just important, but empowering.
Let’s explore the three biggest factors that can challenge our confidence—and how understanding them can lead to deeper self discovery and a more empowered you.
1. Fear of Failure and Its Impact on Identity
One major barrier to confidence is the fear of failure. It’s incredibly common as we age. Why? Because by now, we’ve lived through some stumbles—some epic—and we're more aware of what’s at stake.
Many of us become more risk-averse. We choose “safe” over “bold” because failure no longer feels like a lesson—it feels like proof we’re not enough. That fear slowly chips away at our self-belief and keeps us from exploring new paths that could fuel our identity and self discovery.
I’ll be honest, I developed a totally irrational fear of flying. And while it might sound unrelated, it reflects how our fears can shrink our world. The same thing happens when we convince ourselves we’re not qualified for a new role, even though men will often apply with only 60% of the credentials.
Taking calculated risks, however small, is essential to rebuilding confidence. That’s where empowering women starts—by saying yes to opportunities before we feel 100% ready.
2. Life Transitions Disrupt Identity and Confidence
Life transitions—whether joyful, painful, or simply unexpected—can deeply affect our confidence and our sense of self. Grief, career shifts, a move abroad, relationship breakdowns, becoming a parent… all of these experiences can leave us asking, Who am I now?
When I lost my mother, my biggest cheerleader, it wasn’t just her physical presence that was gone. I lost the mirror she held up that reminded me of who I was and what I could be. That kind of loss sends you on a journey of identity and self discovery whether you like it or not.
In these moments, we need to rebuild—not just our routines, but our relationship with ourselves. This is the time to pause, reflect, and reconnect with our why. It's where empowering women means empowering yourself first.
3. Battling Negative Self-Talk with Powerful Empowering Thoughts
Negative self-talk—those automatic, critical voices in our heads—can feel louder with age. The ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) march in when life doesn’t go as planned. They tell us we’re too old, too slow, too late, not good enough. Sound familiar?
But here’s the empowering part: those thoughts can be challenged. One of my favourite tricks? Replace ANTs with PETs—Powerful Empowering Thoughts. Imagine your inner cat swiping those ants off the bench. Every time you challenge that voice with a kinder, truer one, you reclaim a bit more of your power.
This practice is vital for empowering women, because real confidence isn’t built on perfection—it's built on compassion, resilience, and knowing your worth.
Reclaim Your Confidence Through Identity and Self Discovery
Recognising that confidence shifts over time doesn’t mean accepting its loss as inevitable. In fact, midlife is the perfect time to redefine what confidence looks like for you.
Confidence grows when you rediscover your voice, reconnect with your identity, and honour your self discovery journey. It grows when you stop apologising for your desires, your boundaries, and your brilliance.
So if your confidence feels a little bruised right now, ask yourself:
What parts of myself have I forgotten to nurture?
What stories have I accepted as truth that are ready to be rewritten?
How can I empower myself in this next season of life?
Empowering Women Starts Within
Confidence is not static—it’s fluid, evolving with us as we grow. If you’re feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or unsure of yourself, know that you’re not broken. You’re simply being invited into a deeper season of identity and self discovery. That’s powerful. That’s where true confidence lives.
Because the world doesn’t need perfect women. It needs real ones—self-aware, empowered, and leading from within.
